Discernment Counseling with Gabriel Trees, MA
Are you on the brink of divorce —
but not completely sure?
If you or your partner are facing the possibility of ending your marriage, you are likely in a painful and confusing place. Relationships are complex, but you do not have to navigate this heavy decision alone.
“I help couples on the brink of divorce pause, find clarity, and confidently choose their next path.”
Often, couples at this crossroads have different agendas: one partner may be leaning out of the relationship, while the other is desperate to save it. Traditional marriage counseling can feel frustrating and draining when you aren't even sure you both want the same outcome.
Short-term: 1 to 5 sessions
Private 1-on-1 breakouts
Secure Virtual format across Oregon
To ensure both of you feel completely safe and heard, we do not spend the session arguing back and forth. We start briefly together, spend the majority of our time in private one-on-one breakout conversations, and come back together for a brief wrap-up. This format lowers crisis tension and allows you to speak with unfiltered honesty.
THE MIXED AGENDA DILEMMA
Leaning Out
“I don’t know if I can
keep doing this.”
Leaning In
“I’ll do anything to save us.”
If those are the two of you, you’re in the right place. Discernment Counseling honors both spaces without taking sides.
“As a therapist explicitly trained in Discernment counseling, I deeply respect your reasons for divorce while trying to open the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.”
Couples at this crossroads rarely share the same agenda.
One spouse is leaning out, while the other is desperate to save the bond. Standard couples counseling can feel deeply frustrating and draining when you aren't even sure you both want the same outcome.
Traditional Marriage Therapy
PREMISE: Both want to fix it right now
✕ Requires both partners to be 100% committed to repair upfront.
✕ Feels like dragging a hesitant partner who has "one foot out the door."
✕ Can accelerate resentment, frustration, and wasted emotional energy.
The Result: Often stalls because the couple never agreed on the destination.
Discernment Counseling
PREMISE: Designed to decide, not prematurely fix
✓ Meets you exactly where you are—hesitant, weary, or guarding your heart.
✓ Private individual breakouts honor each person's emotional pacing.
✓ Respects divorce reasons while holding open space for reconciliation.
The Result: Total clarity on whether your marital problems are solvable before investing in long-term therapy.
EVIDENCE-BASED-FOUNDATION
Developed by Dr. William Doherty
Discernment Counseling was developed at the University of Minnesota by marital scholar Dr. William Doherty. It is recognized nationwide as the gold standard for couples where divorce is being actively considered.
Gabriel Trees has completed explicit specialty training in this model to provide structured, non-judgmental containment so both partners can explore their reality safel
Bill Doherty Founder on Discernment Counseling
The Three Distinct Paths Forward
THE DOHERTY PROTOCOL
Through a structured combination of joint conversations and private one-on-one time, we evaluate three clear directions:
PATH 01
Pause & Reflect
The Status Quo
You choose to leave the marriage exactly as it is for now, postponing any permanent decision about divorce or reconciliation.
When this makes sense:
When external life crises (such as an acute illness, job transition, or sudden bereavement) make it impossible to take on marital decisions right now.
Constructive closure
PATH 02
Amicable Transition
Separation or Divorce
You mutually agree to move forward with ending the marriage, utilizing the clarity gained to navigate the process respectfully.
The key benefit:
Spares both partners and children from months of toxic stagnation, reducing adversarial hostility and laying the foundation for cooperative co-parenting.
Constructive closure
PATH 03
6 Months
Couples Therapy
You commit to a focused 6-month effort in traditional marriage therapy with 100% effort from both sides. During this period, divorce is completely off the table.
Why it succeeds:
Both partners arrive ready to own their part in the dynamic without hesitation, making genuine healing possible.
Gabriel provides Path 3 therapy or trusted referrals
“The ultimate goal is not to solve your marital problems today, but to determine if they are solvable. I aim to bring you both clarity and confidence in your next steps.”
— Gabriel V Trees, MA
How Discernment Counseling Helps Couples on the Brink
Instead of getting stuck in repetitive arguments or rushing into a divorce you might regret, discernment therapy offers immediate ground to stand on.
Deciding, Not Fixing
Removes the heavy burden of marital homework; our sole task is discovering if the marriage can be repaired.
Avoids Half-Hearted Work
Prevents spending thousands on couples therapy when one partner isn't ready or motivated to engage.
Honors Different Spaces
Validates wherever each spouse stands right now without forcing either to change their mind prematurely.
Examines Individual Roles
Helps each partner understand their own contributions to the marital dynamic without accusation or guilt.
Protects Kids & Families
If divorce is the outcome, you know every stone was turned, easing legal hostility and building co-parenting peace.
Stops the Marital Tailspin
Provides an immediate emotional timeout to lower acute anxiety, crisis tension, and panic.
Explores 3 Pathways
Carefully evaluates staying as you are, pursuing an amicable divorce, or committing to focused therapy.
Private 1-on-1 Breakouts
We spend significant session time in separate 1-on-1 conversations where you can speak with unfiltered honesty.
Brief & Session-by-Session
A maximum of five sessions total. You decide whether to return after every single appointment.
Gabriel Trees, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist Associate
Hello, I’m Gabriel Trees
Facing a marital crisis takes immense courage, and my goal is to provide a grounded, steady presence to help you navigate it.
Portland has been my home for 25 years, but I also spent formative years in New England and Georgia. This background allows me to combine Northeast straightforwardness, Southern conscientiousness, and PNW openness. Instead of rigid, generic advice,
I bring a down-to-earth perspective as a specialist trained in Discernment Counseling to help you cut through the noise and find clarity.
Before becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist, I spent years in the workforce as an entry-level worker, small business owner, and everything in between. This real-world experience, combined with being a husband, parent, and friend, helps me understand the everyday pressures that strain a marriage.
I know firsthand that relationships are complex, and I bring that deeply human understanding into the therapy room.
When I’m not working, I love to laugh with my family and friends—humor is essential to my well-being. Music, too, has been a lifelong companion and teacher.
Performing, writing, and recording remain integral to my life. If your marriage has lost its rhythm, I am here to help you discern the right path forward.
For me, everything is a matter of rhythm and harmony, and the therapy room is no exception
Credentials & Clinical Background
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Master of Arts in Marriage, Couple, and Family Therapy from Lewis & Clark College School of Education.
Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Portland State University Honors College.
Undergraduate Thesis: “Music Education as a Potential Mediator for Social Decline”
Marriage and Family Therapy Associate with the Oregon Board of Licenced Professional Counselors and Therapists.
Graduate Internship with Lewis & Clark College Counseling Clinic
Graduate Externship with William Temple House Counseling Clinic
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Gottman Method Level 3 Certification
Discernment Counseling Training with the Doherty Institute
Apprenticeship with the Oregon Prison Project
Mentorship with Rose City Nonviolent Communication
Speciality training in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy at Lewis & Clark College
Speciality training in Engaging Boys & Men at Lewis & Clark College
Speciality training in Play and Family Therapy at Lewis & Clark College
Speciality training in Death & Loss at Lewis & Clark College
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Graduated summa cum laude
President’s List for academic excellence
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The National Society of Collegiate Scholars: NSCS
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
Psychology Today
Good Therapy
Portland Therapy Center
Portland Therapy Den
Is Discernment Counseling the Right Next Step?
Discernment counseling is effective because it is highly specialized. Use this honest checklist to see if it fits your current situation:
May be right for you if…
You want a short, structured process focused strictly on decision-making, not open-ended therapy.
One partner wants to stay, while the other is seriously leaning toward divorce.
You feel completely stuck, weighing the massive emotional and financial impact of a split.
Traditional couples counseling feels exhausting without a shared, mutual goal.
You need absolute confidence that you explored every option before making a life-altering choice.
Ready for a structured timeout? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
May be wrong for you if…
You both already agree to fully commit to repairing the marriage (standard couples therapy is better).
One partner has already made an unyielding, final, absolute decision to divorce.
You are in an acute crisis requiring immediate individual safety or psychiatric stabilization first.
One partner is only attending under pressure or coercion, not for genuine clarity.
There is any current danger or threat of domestic violence.
If either of these describes your situation, Gabriel can assist with appropriate referrals.
How the First Session Works
The initial meeting lasts 2 hours to give both partners ample space to be heard without feeling rushed.
Service Featured In
"Love is a friendship set to music."
― Joseph Campbell
Frequently Asked Questions
Everything you need to know about the process, transparent costs, and online format.
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Discernment Counseling is for married couples on the brink of divorce
Discernment counseling helps you decide the future of your marriage rather than trying to fix it right away. This framework is uniquely designed for "mixed-agenda" couples where partners are in different emotional places. Typically, one person is "leaning out" of the relationship and feels unsure if standard marriage counseling can help, while the other is "leaning in" and motivated to rebuild.
Instead of jumping into marriage counseling with one foot out the door, discernment counseling ensures both partners are fully ready to own their part in the relationship's challenges before starting the work -
Instead of jumping straight into trying to fix your relationship, I will help you step back and explore three distinct paths for your future:
Path 1: Status Quo. You decide to leave the marriage exactly as it is for now, postponing any major decisions about divorce or reconciliation.
Path 2: Separation or Divorce. You mutually agree to move forward with ending the marriage, utilizing the clarity gained to navigate the legal process more amicably.
Path 3: Six Months of Couples Therapy. You commit to a six-month effort in traditional marriage counseling with a full effort from both sides. During this time, divorce is completely off the table so you can see if the relationship can be successfully repaired.
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Discernment counseling is a short-term, highly focused commitment lasting a maximum of five sessions total. Because you decide whether to return on a session-by-session basis, the process could end even sooner if you find clarity early on. The initial meeting runs for two hours to give both partners ample time to share their perspectives, while any subsequent sessions last for 1.5 hours each.
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The main difference lies in the ultimate goal: traditional marriage therapy focuses on repairing and healing the relationship, while discernment counseling is a short-term process designed simply to help you decide if you want to try fixing it. Traditional therapy requires both partners to be fully invested in saving the marriage upfront, whereas discernment counseling meets you where you are, making it ideal when one partner is leaning out and unsure if the relationship can be saved.
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It depends on your final decision, but yes—if you choose to work on the marriage, it provides the ultimate preparation.
Discernment counseling ensures both partners are completely invested before traditional therapy begins. It takes divorce off the table for a designated period and replaces hesitation with a clear, mutual commitment to the hard work ahead.
if you decide to move forward with path 3 - I also offer couples & marriage therapy, or can refer you out to a trusted professional.
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Unlike traditional therapy, success here is not defined by staying together, but by gaining total confidence in your next step. If you both decide to choose the path of reconciliation, discernment counseling saves your marriage by providing the solid, committed foundation needed to begin true healing. If you choose a respectful separation, it saves you from months of painful, toxic stagnation
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Reaching out during a marital crisis takes immense courage. Instead of the overwhelming, generalized advice found online, I offer an inclusive, compassionate space for your unique lived experience. As a specialist trained in Discernment Counseling, I provide straightforward dialogue and evidence-based expertise to help you find clarity and determine the right path for your marriage.
You will both be treated with deep respect—there are no "good guys" or "bad guys" here. While we meet briefly as a couple, our most critical work happens during private, one-on-one sessions that honor your individual perspective and emotional pacing.
As your therapist, I commit to:
Respecting your reasons for considering divorce.
Holding open the possibility of marital healing.
Helping you explore your individual relationship roles.
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Discernment Counseling is a powerful tool, but it is not suited for every situation. This framework is not appropriate when:
One spouse has already made an absolute, final decision to divorce.
One partner does not want to participate.
Both people want to save the marriage (couple’s counseling would be a better choice)
One spouse is being forced or coerced to participate.
There is any current danger of domestic violence
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This virtual format is highly intentional and specifically designed to lower the intense pressure, anxiety, and logistical stress often felt by couples in crisis. By meeting from the privacy and comfort of your own separate spaces, we strive to eliminate uncomfortable waiting room tension and allow for seamless, private transitions during our individual breakout conversations. This physical distance provides the emotional safety and personal space you both need to focus fully on gaining clarity and confidence about the future of your marriage.
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The short answer is Yes. Legal marriage is not a strict requirement, as long as you are in a permanent, long-term partnership. While this process is not intended for casual dating indecision, it is highly effective for any unmarried couple who has built a life together and is now facing a crossroads. If you share a home, children, or a lifelong commitment to one another, I will help you explore the same three distinct paths for your future.
However, This process is specifically designed for long-term, lifelong partnerships rather than dating relationships. If you are dating and facing mixed feelings about your future, traditional couples therapy is generally the best next step. If your partner is not ready to join you in couples therapy but you still want to gain clarity and work through your relationship goals, I am also available to support you through individual relationship therapy.
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Initial Intake: $460 (2-hour session)
Subsequent Sessions: $345 (1.5-hour sessions)
Session-by-session commitment—you decide whether to return after each appointment.
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HSA/FSA Approved: We accept most Health Savings Accounts (HSA) and Flexible Spending Accounts (FSA).
HRA Accommodations: Some Health Reimbursement Arrangements (HRA) are accepted.
Documentation: We provide standard service receipts upon request after your appointment is complete.
Important Exclusions: We cannot issue Superbills with clinical diagnostic codes or guarantee insurance reimbursement.
We do not bill insurance companies directly - or work with them in any way, and are not in-network providers.