Discernment Counseling with Gabriel Trees, MA
Are you on the brink of Divorce—But Not Completely Sure?
If you or your spouse are considering divorce but feel uncertain about the path forward, you are likely in a painful and confusing place. Relationships are complex, but you do not have to navigate this heavy decision alone.
What is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling offers a specialized, structured space designed just for your situation. It allows you to slow down, take a breath, and intentionally evaluate the future of your marriage.
This framework is uniquely designed for couples where partners are in different emotional places. Typically, one person is "leaning out" of the relationship and feels unsure if standard marriage counseling can help. The other partner is "leaning in" and is motivated to rebuild the marriage.
The ultimate goal is not to solve your marital problems, but to determine if they are solvable. We aim to bring you both clarity and confidence in your next steps.
Instead of jumping straight into trying to fix the relationship, I will help you explore three distinct paths:
Path 1: Restore – Commit to a dedicated effort to heal the marriage.
Path 2: Separate – Move toward an amicable divorce or separation.
Path 3: Pause – Take a deliberate, structured timeout and re-evaluate later.
As a therapist explicitly trained in Discernment counseling, I deeply respect your reasons for divorce while trying to open the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.
A Collaborative Approach
You will both be treated with deep compassion and respect—there are no "good guys" or "bad guys" here. While we begin and end together, the most critical breakthroughs happen during private, one-on-one sessions. This structure honors your unique perspective and emotional pacing. As your therapist, I commit to:
Respecting your reasons for considering divorce.
Holding open the possibility of marital healing.
Helping you explore your individual relationship roles.
This self-awareness provides invaluable personal growth that will serve you well in the future, regardless of the outcome of this relationship.
Is This a Good Fit?
Discernment Counseling is a powerful tool, but it is not suited for every situation. This framework is not appropriate when:
One spouse has already made an absolute, final decision to divorce.
One spouse is being forced or coerced to participate.
There is any current danger of domestic violence
Searching the internet, you will encounter an overwhelming amount of advice on relationships. Finding someone who can help you discern and apply what is helpful and what is not is where a professional relationship specialist is invaluable. Click below to schedule a Free Consultation
What to Expect:
Brief Commitment: A maximum of 5 sessions total.
First Session: Typically 2 hours to establish a solid foundation
Subsequent Sessions: Run 1.5 to 2 hours each
We’ll work together to listen and support you with meaningful guidance that will have a real and lasting impact.
Reaching out during a marital crisis takes immense courage. I provide an inclusive, welcoming space for your truth, your feelings, and your unique lived experience. Instead of the overwhelming, generalized advice found online, I offer straightforward dialogue, evidence-based expertise, and a compassionate path forward.
Get Started with a Free Consultation
The best way to find out if we are a fit and to see how relationship therapy can help you is by booking a free consultation with me.
Attachment & Trust: Resolving bonding fears and rebuilding broken safety.
Breakups & Separation: Navigating the choice between parting or staying.
Communication & Conflict: Transforming toxic arguments into productive dialogue.
Codependency & Intimacy: Balancing personal autonomy with deep connection
Couples & Marriage: Evaluating the future of your partnership.
Identity & Structures: Supporting neurodivergence, LGBTQPA+, and open relationships
Relationship Therapy Can Help With:
About Gabriel
Hello, I’m Gabriel Trees, Relationship Therapist. Portland, OR has been my home for the last 25 years, but I also spent formative years in New England and Georgia. This has resulted in me adopting characteristics from all three: the straight-forwardness of NE, the conscientiousness of the South, and the openness and flexibility of the PNW.
Besides being a parent, husband, and friend, I also have extensive experience as a caretaker of children. Relationships in general have always held my attention and curiosity. Having the privilege of becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist has been both a humbling and ever-inspiring focus of my life.
As someone who was in the workforce for many years before entering higher education, I bring to my work the experiences of being an “unskilled” entry-level worker, small business owner, and everything in between.
When I’m not working, I love to have a laugh with my friends, my spouse, and my family. Making people laugh is one of the most satisfying and nourishing things I get to do. Humor has always been an essential ingredient for my well being.
Music, also, has been my consistent companion and teacher for as long as I can remember. Performing, writing, and recording music continue to be an integral part of my life.
For me, everything is a matter of rhythm and harmony, and the therapy room is no exception
Benefits You Can Get from RelationshipTherapy
Build Trust
Recovering from relationship injuries can be complicated, especially when one or both partners has trauma in their past - that got activated from this violation of trust. Relationship therapy can promote a deeper exploration of what might be getting in the way of moving forward.
Let’s figure out the next steps that will get you from where you are now - to a more trusting place.
Understand Relationship Expectations
Whether we align with them or defy them, we have all absorbed messages about what we should and shouldn’t be. These “rules” are often so ingrained we aren’t even conscious of them.
Let’s look closely at what you expect from yourself and your partner, and decide what you wish to keep or discard.
Envision Goals and Potential Futures
Sometimes, we can get so focused on coping with the trials of our lives that we end up settling for less than we need to. Let’s create a safe space to dare to dream about what progress might be possible for you as an individual and in relationships.
Let’s envision and realize the relationship that you and your partner always dreamed of!
Improve Communication
All communication operates on multiple levels (Meta-communication). Relationship Therapy can support you in identifying the more elusive messages you’re sending and receiving about how you feel about your relationship.
Let’s explore the differences between what is being said and what is being heard.
Navigate Conflicts with Greater Ease
Do you sometimes find yourself engaged in the same conflicts over and over, without really knowing how they started? Would you like support in navigating interpersonal challenges with greater ease?
Let’s envision and realize concrete steps for you and your partner to take towards greater ease within your relationship.
Gain Emotional Clarity & Intimacy
Emotions are the way we communicate with ourselves. Our emotions provide important information about how well we’re doing. Emotional expression and understanding takes practice.
Let me support you in exploring, identifying, and communicating how you really feel.
My Approach and Influence
Gottman Therapy
As a level 3 Gottman Therapist, I specialize in a wide range of therapeutic approaches unique to the Gottman Method. With over 40 years of evidence-based research, the Gottman Method provides a path forward to understanding relationship barriers as well as increasing respect, empathy and intimacy. Let’s support you in strengthening your relationships through approachable tools for success.
Emotionally-Focused
Couples Therapy
Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT-C) was founded on the evidence that emotions are not accessories to human experience but organizing principles of our lives. By being able to more fully experience our emotional range, our relationships can thrive. Let’s dig in and support you and your partner’s emotional well-being.
Attachment Theory
The attachment styles we develop early in life can have a profound impact on the way we relate to others in adulthood. Awareness and appreciation of this has been shown to lead to a greater understanding of ourselves and our partners. Let’s work towards creating better relationships with yourself and others.
Strength-Centered
Therapy
Even the worst problems can be improved upon in some way. Let’s work together to find the areas where things are working and expand them. Like any commitment to a process, consistent incremental improvements are what creates significant long-lasting change.
Credentials
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Master of Arts in Marriage, Couple, and Family Therapy from Lewis & Clark College School of Education.
Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Portland State University Honors College.
Undergraduate Thesis: “Music Education as a Potential Mediator for Social Decline”
Marriage and Family Therapy Associate with the Oregon Board of Licenced Professional Counselors and Therapists.
Graduate Internship with Lewis & Clark College Counseling Clinic
Graduate Externship with William Temple House Counseling Clinic
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Gottman Method Level 3 Certification
Apprenticeship with the Oregon Prison Project
Mentorship with Rose City Nonviolent Communication
Speciality training in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy at Lewis & Clark College
Speciality training in Engaging Boys & Men at Lewis & Clark College
Speciality training in Play and Family Therapy at Lewis & Clark College
Speciality training in Death & Loss at Lewis & Clark College
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Graduated summa cum laude
President’s List for academic excellence
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The National Society of Collegiate Scholars: NSCS
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
Psychology Today
Good Therapy
Portland Therapy Center
Portland Therapy Den
"Love is a friendship set to music."
― Joseph Campbell
Frequently Asked Questions
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We accept Health Savings Accounts (HSA) and Flexible Spending Accounts (FSA) and can provide a receipt for out-of-network reimbursement. However, we do not bill insurance companies directly, and are not currently in-network.
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Relationship Therapy is $195 per 60-minute session.
Individual Therapy is $175 per 50-minute session. -
I offer both In-person visits at our SE Belmont office- or Telehealth sessions